How I Learned to Like Myself

The day I over-heard my mother and aunt talking about my grandmother’s failing health became the most dramatic turning point in my life. According to my grandmother’s doctor, her failing physical health was partly due to un-forgiveness. It shocked me that a trained doctor would make such a radical statement. I first believed that my mother heard wrong, but over the years, I have seen many people overcome emotional and physical problems by learning to forgive. Doctors do not deny that some problems are stress related or caused by the bitterness and resentment we feel against people who hurt us.

Beth (not her real name) was always ill. She had heart problems at a young age, and spent several weeks at home in bed. This made it impossible for her to establish a career or even meet the bills. She did not imagine these illnesses. They included serious sinus and ear infections, which required antibiotics, headaches, and an ever-increasing list of allergies. After suffering for ten years, she was introduced to emotional healing. She learned to control her anger, stop procrastinating, confront problems, and forgive. Beth took charge of her life, and two years later a dynamic, energetic, happy Beth replaced the pale, struggling, old Beth.

The difference? Beth learned to make good choices.

When we think of making good choices, we think of money management, a career choice, entering or leaving a relationship, or changing the course of our lives. While these are dramatic turning points, these choices do not have the greatest effect on our lives.

Our most important choices are:
To love
To respect
To be kind
To forgive
To forget
To take control of today’s problems, and handle them today

These choices make the difference between happiness and some types of depression, peace and bitterness, anger and patience, high/low self-esteem, or contentment and turmoil.

Love

Love without action is dead. Many people complain that there is no fire left in their relationships, but when they list the things they do to build that fire, the list is pathetically short. We need to love the people in our lives. We do not love others with acts of kindness, compassion, affection, and friendship for their benefit, we do it because humans need to feel love.

There is a secret to feeling loved. It grows from the inside. You can pour years of love into a person with low self-esteem, and it will just drain out like water through a sieve. This is because love grows inside of us and reaches out, only then will we ‘feel’ the love others give us.

Respect and Kindness

These go hand in hand. People who do not respect others have a low self-esteem and emotional intelligence level. This is not because they are bad people, but they do not rejuvenate their inner person.

When I was little my mom asked, “Is your loving cup full?” She was referring to my self-esteem. How I felt about myself. When I grew up, I learned that life drains this ‘measuring cup’ on a daily basis. We refill it by doing something positive. One example is making cookies when you are depressed. Another example is being nice to people, especially when they do not deserve it.

By changing the things we do toward ourselves and others, we change the way we see ourselves and the way others see us.